The kids seemed more than willing to engage in conversation with this man who was, by the way, an insufferable bore and know-it-all.  “Do you know who Elvis was?”  “What have you heard about JFK?”  were a couple of the questions posed.  “I’ve been broke more times than you’ll ever know” was a statement tossed into their “conversation”.  I really did not want to eavesdrop but my 58 year old Mom self felt a responsibility to protect these kids if the need arose.  The tid bits I overheard, however, (volume was not his issue) soon made me to know (like Santa) I had nothing to fear.  I think these three coffee aficionados may just be part of the Starbucks customer culture.  Probably the “regulars”, those who buy coffee products and linger, get to know each other.  A kind of coffee community.   Communities are an essential part of human kind.  Coffee communities, like Starbucks and others, afford people a safe haven in which to form connections, a way to be a little less lonely in this world perhaps.

 Previous posts have urged Lady boomers to exercise their creative muscles, to infuse their lives with more color and fun, take mini adventures, evaluate their empty nests, and even examine their purses for excess baggage. 

The ultimate objective of the exercises proposed in these posts has been to encourage Lady Boomers and other empty nesters to transform their lives a little bit at a time, through daily activities and choices. “Transformation” can be an intimidating concept. Little steps, however, make this objective easier to achieve. These exercises are designed to remove the obstacles obscuring who you really are. As Rod Styker, meditation and yoga instructor says, ” We are not transforming into something we aspire to. We’re transforming into the very thing we are innately- our best self.”

Here’s hoping you meet your best self this year.

The past couple of years have seen an emerging emphasis on buying and being “green”. While we do our part to recycle and conserve energy we either don’t really know what else to do for the effort or we think it all sounds a bit PCG (politically correct to be green). I have a proposal for the new year- Park it, pedal it, preserve it, at least on the occasional weekend. 

  You drive to work all week. Driving is boring and fraught with hassles. Why not leave the car in the garage and ride your bike wherever you need to go. Put saddlebags on your bike and only buy as many groceries as will fit into your bag..biking makes everyday chores more fun. Take a ride on a bike trail. You get the triple benefit of exercise, being outdoors, and actually getting to a destination. Bike riding is one of my favorite activities. I feel youthful and free like I did when I was a kid and my ticket to freedom was my bicycle. It’s a fun way to help protect the planet. 

Post 11 of Be Brave. Lose the Beige’s 12 days of New Years Resolutions is “Throw Yourself a Tea Party”.

The white rabbit in Alice In Wonderland kept muttering…“I’m late, I’m late for a very important date“ And I say, yes you are! That very important date is with yourself, at least once in a while. It’s a great idea to take a break from stress and schedules and invite yourself out to a virtual tea party. If you don’t want to actually host a tea party for your self complete with mismatched cups and saucers, tea sandwiches, and one rather toothy cat, why not envision some other kind of afternoon or evening date with yourself. It can be in whatever form you choose – a walk in the park, a shopping expedition, a spa treatment, a museum outing, a movie, rifling through an antique shop – whatever the activity, it should be one of your favorites and it should be done alone. It’s amazing how little time we spend with ourselves and how rejuvenating it can be. Pamper your passions. This is your opportunity to be just a little bit selfish.

I obviously believe in resolutions.  Resolutions, New Years or otherwise, represent a commitment to yourself; a way of honoring yourself and your dreams.  That is why I read with interest an article in last Sunday’s New York Times entitled, Be It Resolved.  Author John Tierney made the following assertions about New Year’s resolutions in this article:

-Whatever you hope for this year, you are more likely to make improvements than someone who hasn’t made a formal resolution.  You are 10 times more likely to change by making a New Year’s resolution compared to non-resolvers with identical goals.

-If you make it through January, you have a good chance of lasting much longer.

He goes on to say most people are not going to keep their resolutions all year long.  They start out with the best of intentions, but by the end of January, a third will have broken their resolutions; by July, more than half will have lapsed.  (Pretty pessimistic stuff, huh?).  One of the secrets for keeping one’s resolve is establishing strategies for keeping them.  (maybe the word “secret” is at the heart of our failures to keep our resolves.  How can anyone be expected to follow through if it’s a well kept secret?)

Here are a few of their strategies:

1.  Set a single clear goal, like “I will lose a pound a week” rather than “I want to lose weight”.

2.  Make a formal contract with a friend on social media sites or on stick.k.com.  You can name a referee, enter a contest, institute a pre-paid penalty.

3.  Keep track- self monitoring is vital.

4.  Don’t panic over a relapse.

5.  Reward yourself often.  If your waistline shrinks, buy clothes.

Every little bit helps…

If you don’t have the stomach to dump the diamonds, at least demote them. Put them on the lower tier of your jewelry box or cabinet. Store them in the safe deposit box. What is so great about diamonds? It’s not as though they are all that rare, after all. Ok, I’ll give you the fact they are prisms for an array of color but I still maintain they are basically clear crystals. Yes, I realize they are expensive and you feel loved when your mate buys you a multi-carat, princess cut pair of earrings. But are diamonds really all that interesting? Other gems and stones like jasper, lapis, turquoise and tourmaline possess deeper, richer color, design and shape and are generally less expensive than their South African cousins. Wearing an imperfectly shaped Australian opal communicates you are interesting and unique a little apart from the rest of the maddening crowd.

Do you suffer from purse chaos?  Does your purse resemble the description in Nora Ephron’s, I Feel Bad About My Neck and other Thoughts on Being a Woman? The following is an excerpt from her chapter entitled “I Hate my Purse”:   

“Here is what happens with your purse. You start small. You start pledging yourself to neatness. You start with the things you absolutely need…but within seconds your purse has accumulated the debris of a lifetime. The cosmetics have fallen out of the shiny cosmetics bag (okay, you forgot to zip it up), the coins have fallen out of your wallet (okay you have forgotten to fasten the coin compartment), the credit cards are somewhere in the abyss (okay you forgot to put your Visa back in your wallet after you bought the sunblock that is now oozing into the lining… 

Why pay all that money on psychoanalysis?  An examination of your purse can be quite revealing.  If you suffer from the same kind of purse chaos described by Nora Ephron you might be feeling scattered and frenzied, perhaps taking on too much.  

Now, if your purse is well organized-  credit cards in their designated wallet compartment, currency in chronological order, lipstick cap on tight- it could indicate a need to loosen up a bit, take a vacation with a little risk to it- ziplining through the rain forest in Honduras perhaps. 

Maybe an analysis indicates you need to shed extra baggage- that pesky cousin freeloading off you; that clingy co-worker appealing to you once too often for advice. What kind of baggage are you carrying around?  What might you eliminate or throw away?  How might you simplify your life a bit?

Adventures don’t always have to be big and bold. Who said the definition of adventure is climbing Mount Kilimanjaro or back packing through Europe? Adventures come in many sizes and forms and help us feel young all over again. As we age into our 50s, 60s and 70s, let’s take a sip or two from the Fountain of Youth, at least on occasion.

The other night my husband and I hopped on our bikes and rode to the grocery store. The night was beautiful, the air cool, and the stars luminous. We did not exactly look hip and cool bundled up and helmeted with our flashing bike lights. We did, however, feel exhilarated in the cold air and just a little daring venturing out late on a “school” night.

Friends later chided us saying, “Why didn’t you just take the car? That would have been easier and safer!“ Convenience was not the point I responded. Don’t you remember that feeling of freedom you experienced as a kid when you jumped on your only means of transportation- your bicycle- managing to escape from parental oversight and control? I harken back to that time and feeling often when I ride my bicycle.

So, go ahead, dip your toe into that Fountain of Youth a few times in the coming year. Try something even just a little bit out of your comfort zone. Maybe learning to do something you have never done before, such as snow skiing. Even if you don’t ever leave the Bunny Slope, you will be thrilled and proud of your adventurous self.

Ah, the empty nest, a syndrome that simultaneously fills us with dread and delight. The prospect of our children leaving home potentially evokes a multitude of anxieties. (Often this anticipatory anxiety is for naught when our children ricochet back to their rooms when life out of the nest, with it’s pesky responsibilities, thwarts their efforts at independence).

“What’s in Your Empty Nest?” is a question we should ask ourselves as we rebuild our nests and make room for our own dreams. Of course there will still be some “room” (although perhaps a shared one alongside your guitar, art supplies and exercise equipment) for the kids to come home on the weekends. I am here to testify, it is possible to create a fun, interesting life after the nest empties, fills back up, and empties out again. So, Lady Boomers, what’s in or out of your empty nest? Here are a few possibilities: 

 (1) yappy foo foo dog; (2) golf bag complete with driver (with enormous club head), putter, irons, ball retriever, pink balls, great outfit, lessons with cute golf pro; (3) Eiffel Tower or other fantastic destinations; (4) extra branches in case baby birds ricochet back to their rooms, (5) tickets to a Broadway show (ON Broadway); (6) cap, gown and one more diploma to add to your CV; (7) membership to local YMCA; (8) lots of gift cards to restaurants.

Have a blast!

The Holiday, the romantic comedy starring Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet who exchange their Los Angeles and rural England homes over the Christmas holiday inspired us to join an online site called Home Exchange.com. We were able to trade our beach place for the mountain house in Taos at no expense to either party. While some of the listings are second homes, the majority are primary residences. We have successfully exchanged homes on five occasions. Rather than cramming five people into two hotel rooms where we are forced to eat out every meal, we have a kitchen, living room, and multiple bath and bedrooms at our disposal.  

Financing a vacation may sound like a luxury during times of economic distress like we are currently undergoing. Carving out time from stress and schedules may not be a luxury but rather a necessity for our psychic well being and that of our family. It may sound glib to suggest there are alternative forms of vacationing that don’t require taking out a second mortgage to fund it or piling in on top of relatives in other locales. A home exchange worked for us and might for you. Check it out at http://www.homexchange.com. 

Linda Solash Reed wrote…

family – whose? choose?

Time travel -unravel-pound the

gavel

Warm -cold air- snuggling

blankets, furry friends

Food lots of food, comfort

gravy smooth crowded table

all ages all friends all strangers

Ecstasy -chanting uplifting

rising rising rising

The core, What is the core?

Quantum strings carry the

Universe’s beat vibrating

over and over forever and

ever long as it ever was it is.

Donna Borko wrote….

A “Lounging at the Beach Holiday”

I awaken to the sound of seagulls calling and the surf lapping the sand. I

share a quiet breakfast with my sister or a friend on the patio. Then curl

up on a beach chair to read a good book, followed by a scrumptious lunch and

a stroll along the beach. We let the waves splash cool water over our feet

and even sit in the water to allow the salty sea to soothe our body and

spirit. Later as the sun sets and kisses the horizon with its warm and

glowing rays of departing light, we know that we have been touched by the

love of God, nature, and the love of family and friends. We have quietly

shared together the joys of our peaceful day together.